Pearly White in the Dead of Night

     So how do you know when your child is teething? First, he or she is somewhere between three months and a year old and doesn't yet have teeth yet, right? That's the obvious sign that something's about to happen.
     Then what? I've read this somewhere already - I'm sure I have... oh yeah, here we go;

 "Some signs of teething are obvious; drooling, wakefulness, crankiness, crying, biting, chewing and tender gums are a few."

     Other signs of cutting teeth may be a little less obvious: she refuses food or may not be drinking milk; she may have a rash around the mouth; saliva irritates the delicate skin. 
     The list goes on; they even mention that there may be a runny nose - the mechanics of which escape me - but even I know from chaffing a few of Ms Michelle's famous hot chillies that your mouth floods with saliva, your eyes tear up and your nose normally starts to run...
     Ok, so hold the phones on this little "Ivory Cultivating Nightmare" - it sounds to me like my expectations are well founded, and I'm sure you agree that this all sounds blo0dy terrible. 
     In fact, considering this is my wee girl we're talking about - it sounds like torture for all involved.

* * * * *

So here's the funny thing...

Two Foot Tall and already  running
her own Ivory Factory!

...it appears, that in the quiet dead of night sometime over the past week or so - our kid was busy cutting her first milk teeth - but, (and this is the funny thing), it's not the fact that she has grown fangs that worries me - it the fact that she didn't even bother to let us know!

     Seriously, it wasn't until we received reports that she sank her fangs into Kari (the Day Care Lady) this afternoon that we even knew that she was sprouting tusks!!! 
     No rashes, no drooling, no wakefulness or crankiness; and apart from a four-hour micro-runny-nose earlier in the week which I put down to shopping with Mum in -17 deg C temperatures; we have entirely missed the signs.
     Maybe they were there, but right now Michelle and I are miffed. 
     If the wee toad can grow a pair of teeth without us knowing, I don't even want to begin to imagine all the things she could possibly hide from us when she's older.
     I'll deal with all that then - right now I'm under the distinct impression that she's secretly in league with the Tooth Fairy and is bootlegging fresh enamel in order to buy herself a pony and cheat Stephen Harper's nerdy tax man - I simply can't explain it any other way...

* * * * *

     Charlotte is going to be 1 next week and is growing up so fast. You always hear people say that about kids, but that's their kids and it means nothing until you've experienced all this for yourself.  
     For the record, I've got my eye on her from now on, even though in the back of my mind, I'm convinced that; she gets up in the night, walks down the stairs, channel surfs the Food Network and antagonises the dog, while she feeding herself a midnight glass of milk and cookies. 
     Then, when she's bored with being all independent and on her own, she climbs back in her crib and pretends that she's a baby again.
     Slow down kid, you're freaking your old man out - not to mention the fact that you're making the old lady miss you to bits now that she's in her first week back at work. 
     Congratulations on your new choppers anyway though mate - they'll come in handy when Mum's away at a conference and you're chomping pizza, beers and rib-eye with your old man.

     Good one kiddo, all things shining to be sure!
 xxooxx

Your Dad.